she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
