She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
