giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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