Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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