Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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