he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
