Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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