my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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