Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
