remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
