I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
