pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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