I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
