i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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