his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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