I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
