Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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