About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
