ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
