is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
