piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
