I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
