are you still at the devil's house?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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