I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
