Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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