I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
