How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
