Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
