Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
