There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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