I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
