Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
