I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
