Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The Olympian is in my bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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