There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Boobs speak an international language.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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