i just wanna soil my oats bro
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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