Farmville is her only friend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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