Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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