mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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