looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
