I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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