Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have aggressive nipples.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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