plz talk dirty to me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
