Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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