try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
