Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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