i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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