It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
