the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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