So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
